Today, I have spent its entirety getting alone time with my husband. We have gathered boxes of veggies to can for our prepping. We have signed, sealed, and delivered his resignation from the clinic where he is a PCP (God I am so glad he’s out of that hell hole). We even had time to take some boudoir pictures of me….I know, WTH right? I have this huge insecurity, I’m sure like most women according to Instagram. Yeah well, It was fucking hot, to say the least. :);) I wish I had the courage to post some on here but hey, in due time….
My kid will not be back home until Sunday. It’s insane. I’m redoing her room to surprise her when she gets here. She needs a big girl room, Ya know. Time to get rid of those polka dots and woodland critter bedding……. *Sheds tears* She’s fixing to have to start wearing a bra now. WTF. I don’t know what to even do and I’m her mother…frick. I remember her last year in the car exasperated with life and saying “WHAT DO I GOTTA DO TO GET BOOBS?!!”……Well hell honey, keep chugging that damn milk with all those hormones.
I’m doing ok without my meds. OK. just OK. I’m Fine, I’m fine. I’m struggling. Sometimes I wish I could just be sedated for a while.. That fixes nothing but sometimes the wheels just need a break, man. I’ve noticed if I drink alcohol or don’t get adequate sleep then I’m just screwed. The delusions break me. The paranoia is malignant! I’m Fine I’m FIne IM Fine.
I’ve booked a beach vaca for Thanksgiving. I’ve never lived so close to the beach before and I must have it. Topsail island has become my favorite place to be since we’ve moved. There I find peace and breathing room. There, I am me.