My house is empty. I can write until my fingers bleed if I want. My husband is meeting another physician to discuss another ER position. My child is in another state visiting her Bio-dad and his family. My house is noisy but not from the sound of my kiddo busting down the stairs with her German Sheppard in tow. It is loud. It is hot. The after effect such as post labor when the body is finishing up and taking a break. The house needs love and affection too. We moved into this gorgeous A Frame 4 months ago. It has since birthed new animals, new toys, new play houses, and a plethora of other gadgets and discoveries. Just like the house, I am in a reverie of all the things Not going on in it today. The stillness of the empty abode. I love my home. This is the first time in my adult life that I’ve really had a home. That’s ridiculous. I am soon to be 31. I have an almost 9-year-old child. We also have a story.
Like a lot of people from my home town, our home lives were wrought with chaos. (That’s another story for another time) I left home when I was 20, right after I bought my first house with my boyfriend. He was 26 or 27 then. We married a short time later. the first guy that came along, Ya know. I was 20, uneducated, naive to everything the world had and would have to offer. I married a man that would decide to have affairs and quickly became abusive mentally and physically. I had my daughter when I was 22 with this same man. I’m not saying I was a saint. Hell, I was 20ish through those years and a lot of shit comes with marrying a child. Anyways, I had my daughter and it wasn’t until 4 years later when I was 26, that I figured out there was another life to live. One without broken bones or bruises. One that my baby girl didn’t have to see her mother being bounced off the walls and stairs. I became brave and when we finally were able to escape, it was going to be life or death. After orders of protection (which are bullshit), we were free. We stayed with my parents for a couple of years, which was just walking into another hell but this time just for me. I was grateful for a safer place for us. I was granted a divorce around 3 months after we left the Bad Mister. I went to school and worked. I was certified as a Phlebotomist and Medical Assistant and had met another Man along the way. This time I was going to be very picky and I would never put my kiddo in harm’s way again. This one turned out to be one of the best men I could have ever met. Skip ahead a few years and all the mushy stuff ;)…I’m married to the love of my life whom also loves and adores our daughter. And we have this gorgeous home with a view of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Yeah, it sounds peachy, but like everything else that’s worth it, its freaking hard too.Anyway, that just a snippet of our past as a mother daughter team.
There’s so much horrible stuff happening on the news..I’ve deleted my CNN app so I don’t have it in my face. This North Korea mess is really going to be awful, isn’t it? I’m about 6 hours from DC. Why the hell did I move so close lol I moved here with my Husband and child from the Tennessee Alabama line. Tucked away in our own little holler. In reality, though, no holler is safe, is it?
A lady I know in TN, her dad died last night. My heart aches for her. I’ve been thinking a lot about my own father so much lately. He was my Mom and Dad growing up. Mom always seemed to be dealing with her own demons. I get it now. I miss them. I’m 9 hours away and can’t control any of the shenanigans that go on down there.
Any way, this post is getting super long winded. Piss sakes.
Saw on the news this am that the baby we’ve all been watching has passed away. What a horrendous situation for any parent to be in. Ive seen such mixed outbursts from people. Some that think the parents were in the wrong. This amazes me in a way. As a parent, I would do ANYTHING it took for my child to be ok. ANYTHING. In the end, the best thing they could do was to let him pass. Still such a terrible thing to have to go through. My heart, prayers, and love goes out to Charlies’ parents.
Finding time to write has been slightly difficult due to my kiddo being out on summer vacation. Mom what you doing? Let me see..Whats that word? Who are you writing to?….You get it. She’s currently beside me but so involved in her game that she’s ignoring me. Im glad she’s not old enough to understand whats happening. Just be a kid, Pidden. One day Im going to have to explain so much to her.
Her bio-dad and I divorced a few years ago and she doesn’t see him much. Thats what currently plagues her right now. No matter how many times I tell him that he can come see her whenever he wants for any length of time, he still doesn’t. She doesn’t understand that and assumes its all up to me if she sees him. I doubt I’ll have to explain this in detail one day as she will figure it out soon enough. It really slams home the whole notion of really knowing who you’re marrying and having children with… Anyway, school starts soon and she will have other things on her mind.
In december 2017, I am/was planning to have weightloss surgery. Drastic right? well, I need to lose around 100 lbs and i was going to adopt a whole new life style to accommodate that surgery..Then I came across a documentary on Netflix called What The Health. EYE OPENING. Later I watched Forks over Knives…and a few others now. After tons of my own research and my dear husband is a Physician, so we piled research and decided a plant based diet had sooooo many merits to great health and here we are dropping weight like crazy and getting super healthy. I encourage anyone taking medication, over weight, or just generally unhappy, to watch these documentaries then do your own research. Do tons of it. Make yourself convinced in one direction or another.
On another note, I am unmedicated for my mental illness. I am currently ascending, i think. Im having the incurable racing thoughts. Im tired as hell too. I want to write all the time which is a no brainer for me up cycling. I wish things were normal. Or atlas a better version of my normal.